Quote of the Day

“I know of no more disagreeable sensation than to be left feeling generally angry without anybody in particular to be angry at”
~Frank Moore Colby

I stumbled across this quote this morning while out looking around for a "Quote of the Day" to share with my team, as I've been doing now for several months now. It had particular meaning for me, in a most non-work-related sense, but is applicable to everyone else in general so I found it acceptable. Aside from the lessons in the work environment, let's get to what really matters. ME, and my poker shenanigans. Let's just say that Lady Luck was wearing a strap-on last night and driving it home to glory! Fuck me... and I don't mean in a good way! : o I know... I know... you need details.

Well still rolling my eyes at myself for my "late-night" online antics after the Wolfe game which cost me a buy-in on Bodog when I put too much faith in pocket ladies... I opted "last" night to get back out there and do a little something, play it straight and narrow and pick my spots. And I did just that. Got it all in there with the best of it, and got it rammed into some uncomfortable orifices. I started out (I'm ashamed to admit where) UB... just to see what paltry sum I had left out there on the no good cheating site. (Other reasons to hate... hmmm hello, they sponsor Phil Hellmuth, who wouldn't be so bad I guess if he just ya know, couldn't speak! --but I digress.) Anyway, I find under $20 still lounging out there on UB, getting more tainted by the filth every second. So, I plop it down on two tables, MAX $10's NLHE, 5 cent/10 cent... I got in about 100 hands, but it all came down to 2 big hands when you get right down to it. I made superb laydowns, great reads, the whole bit. On one table, I look down at AA from late position and there's a raise and a reraise in front of me. I pop it, to get heads up, which I do, and he flips over pocket Kings and hits his set on the flop and I head to the rail. Less than 3 minutes later, I look down at KK on my other table, and there's a raise and a reraise all in, and I throw all mine in too, to get heads up, and he turns over AKos... and this time Lady Luck waits til the river to ruin my day with the Ace... I decide to keep my remaining 2 bucks for another day... as I'm feeling all squishy inside.

I make the obligatory notes of my dismal failure in my poker log, breaking the lead in my mechanical pencil a number of times before getting it all down. Those F-bombs are murder on pencil lead. Anyway, I'm sitting there stewing in my own juices all pissed off, and there's nothing on the tube and I've got like 2 hours before bedtime, so allowing a 30 minute cool off, I snap-grab the laptop and fire up Bodog this time. Here, there were no big plays, no great cards, no caught sets, no flop connections. (Well there would have been this one, that I would have raped a couple of idiots, but oh yeah that's right, I got out of their idiotic ways and let 'em fight it out. From mid/late position there is a raise and a big over the top reraise, when I look down at JJ. I drop since in the 50-60 hands I've been playing I can't recall this guy playing a hand let alone ramming his stack out there. So, I'm out of it, and it folds around to the original raiser, who snap calls, and I'm waiting for fireworks here baby! WTF!!! Original raiser has A-10os preflop... and the overboard kid tables a Q-2 sooted! The flop comes J-4-4 and I'm livid, hating, wanting to kill something, anything, and watch as a friggin' ACE HIGH takes the pot down! Again, I digress.) I saw so much trash winning all around me. I played a few more suited connectors than normal, but nothing real sloppy. I raised with the big stuff when I could and got destroyed again. Before calling it a night I checked my stats, and of the just over 100 hands played on Bodog, I had WON 4, and had played only like 20% of the hands I'd been dealt. No shit! The four I won... I recall 1 or 2 being a meager winning of the blinds alone. I logged off.

Now some of you might say, I should have got out when it was going bad, but hell that would have been when I started. Others might say, you're just running bad... well let's just say I don't remember the last time I won anything of substance. Some might point back to a previous post in which I excitedly spoke of the Beginner SNG's on Bodog, in which I was winning; but let's just say that those profits are all but gone now and I'm back where I started from again on Bodog. I'm not even a break even player at this point this year... I think I've lost ground. My only comfort in this is that I wasn't keeping good notes about wins and losses and so I have some wiggle room to hope on. But now, I'm keeping very specific notes, and tracking myself, and brother let me tell ya, the picture ain't pretty right now. I should have been tracking when things were going well, to help balance this shit out huh!?!

Anyway, so back to my Quote of the Day from up top. Here I am pissed off, looking for an ass to kick, Lady Luck to bitch slap, a wall to punch, a dog to kick; as it were. And I come across the quote from Frank Moore Colby, “I know of no more disagreeable sensation than to be left feeling generally angry without anybody in particular to be angry at.” And you know what... the man's right. I'm angry... but not with anybody in particular. I can't even be mad at myself, really, as I can't find any move I made last night or in the past weeks which was particularly wrong. Just nothing has been working for me. I'm sincerely hopeful that this is bottom, 'cause the bottom line can't take much more of this. I would sincerely hate to quit playing a game that I love so much, or at least love to hate so much. I don't know whether to take a break or play through this rough patch, like it's some force that's just sitting there and must be worked through. If I leave for a while, it's gonna be there awaiting my return. This poker is an evil thing isn't it. So, suffice it to say, I feel a little better writing it all down, as you've all grown accustomed to seeing on this blog. The quote really put some of it in perspective. I can't make it any better by being angry either. I can fill only the holes I can find in my game, so I've got to continue to take GOOD notes. Beyond that I've just gotta keep making the same decisions in the same spots, and hope that when I get it in good that it starts to hold up, and bring the wheel of variance back into alignment.

One last thought, on my next trip to Charleston, (which I hope is very soon Big Red, honey, sweetie, baby cakes...) I want someone to "sweat me" at the table. To actively watch me, what am I playing, how am I playing, too tight, too loose, spewing chips, bad calls, not focusing? I promise to even lay off the suds and just play cards. I want at least a 6 hour straight, uninterrupted session at the table to really test my metal, and see how it all works out. I don't want a one hand/ get rich quick scheme, I really and truly want to frackin' grind it out, and show the consistent profit from good decisions and a well thought out strategy. So, it'll likely be JR and/or Frank who makes the trip and keeps an eye on me. But at this point this is about the only thing I think makes any sense. So there you have it, my soul has been bared. Lady Luck can bite me... Go ahead, say my name biyatch!

Regards,

cheer_dad